oddEvan.com

Dating is weird.

When describing dating, I like the line my old RUF minister used.

Dating is getting to know someone for the purposes of finding a spouse.

What makes dating so weird is that it isn’t defined in the Bible anywhere. There’s single, betrothed, and married. Dating is… in between single and betrothed, I think. Two people are in a serious, exclusive relationship but aren’t making a formal commitment yet.

It’s that lack of formal commitment that irks me. While two people are still getting to know each other, that freedom is important. To know that if an insurmountable issue comes along one is free to leave is necessary in the early stages of a relationship. Both parties are in the relationship by choice, not by coercion.

It’s when there are no more insurmountable issues that things become problematic. When both parties have confessed their darkest secrets and are still able to be with each other. When any pet peeve or political difference is insignificant next to the other’s good character or sense of awesome music. When any intentional or accidental injury is overcome by an ability to forgive that is itself brought on by being forgiven of much more. When both parties are so invested in the relationship, commitment is required.

At this point, the relationship is on shaky ground. While both members may fully intend to stay in the relationship, there is very little to insure those intentions become actions. There is no formal commitment holding the relationship together; both parties are in the relationship by choice. For some, this is enough.

But not me.

My friends, I am hereby swearing off dating. Forever. I can no longer allow myself to invest in a relationship without a sure future, and I cannot ask the other to remain in this relationship with us separated by 200 miles and only the vaguest promise of one day returning for a weekend. It is not worth my time or hers in a relationship with no sure future.

That’s why we’re making it a sure future.

And she said yes.

Yeah… about those regular updates…

2008 ended and 2009 began with me and the woman in Charleston preceded and followed by trips to Greenville. From the time I got to Greenville by myself to the time I left Greenville by myself we were in the same building/area (except for 15 min. where I drove my mom somewhere). Constant company. I had typed up most of a blog post on the ramifications of this… but I eated it¹. Suffice it to say… In some relationships the people are growing away from each other. Ours is not one of those.

I still have my dreams of turning this into a site worthy of being called a Daring Fireball knock-off, but I can’t seem to pull myself away from Sonic Unleashed long enough to do that. Or edit those videos.

The good news, though, is madcrasher.com is finally in some semblance of order (though not done) and the new CD Identity is not only available from CD Baby but also iTunes! So go buy it…

I’m going to try to have some sort of well-thought-out blog post once a week here. Key word is try. I make no promises.

¹ Actually, I couldn’t form a clear main idea out of the shambles of my emotions. What I could come up with wasn’t really suitable for this blog. Yes, there is stuff about myself that isn’t on the internet, and it will stay off the internet.

If I had to sum up 2008 in one word, it would be “woah.” If you could give me an extra word, though, it would be “growing up.” In my personal life (and in some ways the world around me) this year has been about growing up.

2008 was the year I finally had to come to grips with the fact that not everyone I meet or spend time with will like me. And even when I’ve apologized as much as I can (or even farther), other people may still decide not to forgive me (despite what they say to my face). And in the end, what I’m responsible for is forgiving them; anything past that is in God’s hands.

2008 was when I was hit in the face with the fact that the best laid plans of mice and men will quickly come to ruin, especially if God has anything to say about it. Case in point: this time last year I was hoping to get a web development job in Greenville. Between February and April, I shifted focus and ended up taking a .NET programming job in Charleston after being offered my ideal position in Greenville. Crazy, huh?

2008 was when we as a nation finally realized that placing most of our investments in funds and bonds that were so complicated even the best economists didn’t know exactly how they worked was a bad idea. Those funds? They were backed by shaky mortgages. Maybe easy access to credit isn’t such a great idea after all…

2008 was also when we as a nation took another giant step forward in moving past racism. It already says something when people in my generation have to be reminded that racism exists. I know that it is far from eradicated—and this election doesn’t change that—but as a symbolic gesture, the fact that we have elected a president whose skin tone is different from the majority of the population says that it is far less of a stumbling block than it once was.

2008 was when I realized that maybe I had skills other people might want. I thought it would be much more of a struggle than it was to find a job. Yes, I interviewed several places that said I wasn’t experienced enough, but I still received more than one job offer. I still ended up talking to organizations that I never thought would consider me.

And that spilled over into other areas too. See, 2008 was the year I finally got tired of being the odd-numbered wheel. But since I wasn’t willing to try my luck with anyone around me, I signed up for an online dating service. And said so on facebook. And was promptly chewed out by someone I was kinda interested in. See, there were people around me that I was afraid to notice. But when I finally decided to allow myself to think in that direction…

2008 will always be the year I graduated. The year I got my first job. Moved out. Finished my CD. But I will always remember this year as the year I fell in love.

Maybe growing up isn’t so bad after all…

You can see the idea I’ve got for my theme here. Make sure you can scroll up and down.

My illustrious podcast has been delisted from iTunes due to there not being any new episodes for several months. And my illustrious car decided to start hating me last night by giving me both a seriously dead (as in you-can’t-jump-start-it-you-have-to-go-get-a-new-one dead) battery and a flat tire at roughly midnight. Fortunately, the Microsoft of the retail world is open 24 hours and the tire store that’s always having a great day is very good at changing tires first thing in the morning.

I’m dating a very awesome person who is so awesome she’s worth dating even though she lives 212 miles away.

All in all, I’d say the new blog is off to a great start. Now if someone could tell me which OpenID plugin for WordPress actually works, that’d be great.