In the spirit of John Gruber I am going to bring the smack to this unsolicited e-mail I was just sent because some company is trolling a popular job search website.
<p>Hi, my name is Andrew W. King and I am the President of United American’s Branch Office Division.</p>
I believe we have a winner for the “Most Obscure Yet Oddly Professionally Sounding Name Of A Company” award!
<p>I found your resume online and wanted to contact you.</p>
If this wasn’t an obvious form letter, I’d appreciate that. But it is, so I don’t.
<p>We are now hiring applicants from a wide variety of backgrounds and we believe you are an outstanding match.</p>
In other words, I have a pulse.
<p>We have immediate openings for motivated individuals like you.</p>
You could tell I was motivated just by my resume? Then you obviously didn’t catch that I’m living at my parents’ house.
<p>First year earnings can range as high as $100,000 for new representatives and management positions are <strong>awarded</strong> for excellence, regardless of prior experience.</p>
So, if I “award” you the award mentioned above, will you “award” me a management position?
<p>If you are goal-oriented with good communication skills and have a desire to succeed within a company that has a well-known industry reputation for financial stability, quality products and streamlined services, then I would like to speak with you at your earliest convenience.</p>
Rule Number One for Evan: NO SALES POSITIONS I’m sorry, but this is not negotiable. Unless you’re Apple.
<p>We are a part of the Torchmark Corporation.</p>
Found them. Do not want. I mean… really do not want.
Moral of the story: don’t spam. You’re wasting the time I could have spent trolling craigslist.
