So I Picked a Fight With CarMax

It started with an email:

Email from CarMax saying "Evan, remember that Mini you sold us?"

Let’s see, do I remember that Mini?

Picture of sky-blue 2009 Mini Cooper hardtop with white roof, mirrors, and stripes

Yes. Yes I do. Story time: I bought that Mini February of 2009. Custom-built: no sunroof or automatic A/C, but I added in bonnet stripes, fog lamps, and sport seats. 6-speed manual transmission.

It had a turbo button. They actually called it a “sport” button: increased responsiveness of the throttle and the tightness of the steering. It was a turbo button.

And in January of 2013 I lost the cushy job that let me afford said amazing car.

Thankfully, I had enough equity in that car that I could sell it to CarMax and get one that… runs. And I own outright with no payments, so we’ve got that going for it.

Still, though, that doesn’t mean I’m happy about the whole thing:

Tweet from oddevan: Thank you so much, CarMax. While you're at it, why don't you give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? (winking emoji)"

Now, CarMax, like many large companies these days, has people monitoring their Twitter account. So they responded, and we had a little conversation:

Tweet from CarMax: "We know saying goodbye to your trusty ride can be hard! How many years did you spend behind the wheel of your Mini?" Tweet from oddevan: "Sold it right before the 4 year mark. Loved that thing, but a sudden job change meant cashing it out."

And that was that.

Or at least, I thought so until a week later:

Tweet from CarMax: We have something fun we'd like to send your way! Can you please DM us your current address when you have a chance?

OK, sure, you want to send me something. This is why I have a PO Box.

Direct message conversation from Kristina at CarMax to oddevan: "While we know it's been a little while since we talked last, we found something we felt was perfect for you and we anxiously waited for it to arrive at our Home Office."

Now I’m curious.

Anyway, this week I finally had a chance to head to the Post Office and pick it up. For those familiar with the United States Postal Service, it was a “medium flat rate” box. Not the CarMax Koozie I was expecting, then.

In fact, it wasn’t something CarMax at all:

A thank you card and a coffee mug with the word "INCONCEIVABLE" in bold print. Vizzini's head (from The Princess Bride) is replacing the "O".

Well played, CarMax; well played. I’ll see you in a few months when I sell my house and can actually afford one of your cars.

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